Popping my Hot Yoga Cherry

Alright maybe the title makes this all sound a little more exciting than it actually was. But I figured it'll give me something to try and live up to while I write this.

Two days ago I decided on a whim to google "Yoga Studios Raleigh" in leiu of my usual boredom searches (like baby pandas, or baby hippos, or baby otters, or baby pugs) to see if there were any classes going on I could afford -which I assumed was unlikely, since I drive my beat up '94 Acura  on E every day and consider my dinners extravagent when I can eat an entire can of peas and a whole chicken breast.

After ruling out a few places I stumbled onto Open Door Yoga.

After reading a little I was intruiged by a few key points they stressed on their website- the first being how they casually stated that they wanted to encourage a practice of Yoga that was welcoming and safe for all people at all levels. I've taken a few classes back in my hometown of Richmond and they were really intimidating, if not a little annoying. I got kind of left behind if I didn't know the vocab for the poses and- I'm not really sure how to say it nicely- it was all a little too yoga-ie for me. Like I totally wanna stretch, listen to my body and feel centered and connect with my breath and stuff but I'm not trying to reach enlightenment in 90 minutes or have some cosmic spiritual moment while balancing on one foot. I have nothing but respect for people who experience yoga this way and who get that much out of it emotionally- in some ways I'm a little jealous of it. But I'm way too practical for those things. I want something to chill my mind out and make me stronger and more flexible and give me a decent workout. The super spiritual mumbo-jumbo gets a little beyond me, and while I'm really interested in yoga's physical benefits I'm a little skeptical of the other stuff. But I was hopeful that this was a studio that might be a little more real world about the practice.

The second thing that's cool about Open Door is their prices. And by that I mean there aren't any. Everything is paid for by a donation system- so essentially they put trust in their students to honestly pay as much as they can afford per class. The suggested donation is 12 dollars, and it's stressed that practicing for free isn't really smiled upon, but Open Door truley wants to make Yoga available to everyone- and make it possible to pay a little less when money's tight, and a little more when you're able to. So, noting my afformentioned driving on E and survival on 98cent canned vegetables, this flexibility appealed to me. Just to be clear about this, don't think I'm trying to be cheap or cheat anyone out of proper payment- but I really appreciate and relate to the "less when you can't, more when you can" idea. Plus I think it says something really positive about the people running a studio when they're willing to adopt that philosophy.

Open Door teaches Heated Hatha Yoga, which is basically Yoga turned up to 11 if you get my meaning. It takes the basic core of a Yoga class and puts it in a 90-105 degree room (I didn't ask specifically how hot it was, I got that number from Wikipedia. What you should know is it was freaking hot in there.). I'd never taken hot yoga before, but since I've been dancing for awhile and have been focusing a lot on core strength and balance lately, and because I survived two summers running around a football field in that kind of heat, I felt like I could be up to it. I was glad I've been drinking a lot more water lately anyway, as apparently a lot of first time students aren't properly hydrated and get dizzy or naseaus or pass out sometimes. My friend also cautioned me not to push too hard through the poses, as injury is easier in hot rooms where you can't feel yourself over stretching. So possible fainting, puking and injury aside I thought "Hey, I've got a free morning. Why not do something different? All I've got to lose is my pride and my legs and my breakfast."

So I woke up early and headed over. Firstly, Open Door is exactly as welcoming as the name implies. My instructor was an adorable peppy little brunette woman manning the desk when I walked in and seemed genuinely excited to have a new student- there was actually four of us in the class that day. She walked me though all the normal waiver paperwork and what to need and expect, asked about my experience level (she seemed politely concerned for me when I told her I'd only ever done yoga a few times and none of those recently), and promised to explain everything so I wouldn't get left behind. She directed me to the studio and to go lay out my towl in the back row and get settled. I walked into a steamy, but not oppresively hot room wih about 12 people already in it- most of whom appeared to be napping. I layed out my towel in the back corner and sat down, and within a few minutes I could already feel myself sweating. Before I could consider the fact that I hadn't even started doing anything yet and I was dripping or that I probably should have tried harder to take off last night's eyeliner before it ran down my face the class was getting ready to start.

The whole class was kind of a blur so I couldn't really give you a play-by-play if I tried or if I thought you wanted to read that. But I'll tell you a summary of that 90 minutes:

The teacher was great. I think her name was Alex but I'm really not sure so I don't want to say for certain. She gave wonderful, detailed information in a very relatable and unpretensious kind of manner and even made a few cute jokes. My classmates were all at varying degrees of experience and strength, and I at no point felt inept or confused about what we were doing. I did feel a little silly during the breathing exercises but did my best, and was really surprised and happy at just well how my work on my balance/breath in dance this year translated.


That being said, hot yoga is some seriously hard shit. But outside some physical discomforts- the heat, constant dry mouth no matter how much I drank, elevated heart rate from the environment, and other minor annoyances like getting a grip on my leg when my body's turning into a human slip and slide or sweat stinging my eyes when I bent forward- the true challenge in hot yoga is all mental focus. Once you accept the heat and just get inside that moment with it, it's incredible. And the small victories you gain by pushing just a little longer or going just a little farther are remarkably rewarding because of that. The class had an even balance of opportunities to push and strengthen myself as well as moments to ease into things or just breathe and relax. I felt a little weak at moments but nothing a swig of water didn't cure, and at the end I was quite litterally swimming in my own sweat. The towel I'd used for a mat was soaked, the bra and shorts I'd been wearing was soaked, my hair was soaked, you get the point. And I felt incredible when I left, for the entire day afterward. My muscles were exhausted- that bone deep kind of tired that tells you you really did something that day- and my mind felt clearer and calmer than it had in weeks. I also felt wide awake and ready to do just about anything.

I plan on going back to Open Door as much as I can manage before I leave Raleigh, and have a new kind of faith that yoga actually can be approachable and effective. I'm looking forward to my next class!

xoxox

Doubt

This has got to be my biggest flaw, my greatest downfall. I don't really recall a time when I have not struggled with my belief in myself and the people around me. Through various experiences I've developed a need to hold back my trust, myself, and my faith in myself and others.

So how do you overcome this? I've struggled with days where I look back and don't see myself in a single moment of things, just a shadow choked up by insecurity and a fear of ulterior motives and petty circumstances. When did I become so afraid of showing my thoughts and feelings that I turned into someone I didn't really know?

The past month has lead me in directions that are getting me back to my roots and alleviating some of my insecurity. I've been able to distance myself from the situations and conflicts that have debilitated me and I've been regaining the strength to see that, while not everyone will love me, there are people who do. Being self-analytical is important in life, but I've found the strength lately to understand that it cannot always be my fault. I cannot bend to every passing whim of the people around me and I cannot blame myself when, despite my best efforts and my truest intentions, they are still unsatisfied.

I've allowed doubt to keep me from being the coworker, friend, performer, and person I truly want to be and am capable of being. And the biggest step forward I've taken lately is to just relax into things and accept that it's okay to trust myself and open up to others. Plus I've lost a lot of time I could have spent enjoying myself worrying about silly, stupid problems that might have gone away if I had simply let go and lived.

xoxo

It's a quiet kind of morning. I'm just thankful I woke up on time.

xoxo

What I wake up to every morning

"It is a good thing for an educated man to read books of quotations."

Winston Churchill

I really like quotes. Whenever I'm anxious, or upset, or feeling anything very strongly at all, I look for quotes that express whatever state it is I'm in. Sure, I could say it myself but sometimes there's this odd kind of comfort found in feeling a kindred spirit with the author of the phrase that  catches my interest. Whatever the emotion is, hearing the echos of another's similar experience through written word validates it for me. It reminds me- as I think we so often need reminding- that I am not a special case, I am not alone in my feelings, and am not the first or the last to experience the things I am going through. Plus, if it's already been said so well, why go reinventing the wheel? Don't fix what's not broken and all that. 

So a few months back I made a kind of shrine to quotes in my room. I was going through a rough period at the time: I'd just moved from my hometown to a brand new state, started three new jobs all at the same time, was living with two people I met off craigslist (and it's just as weird and uncomfortable as people say it is to live with total strangers), was wrapping up my first real break-up; and was struggling with finding new friends, difficult coworkers, and generally understanding what I was doing and just how to do it with a smile. Pretty pathetic right?

Well the real moment came when I realized exactly that- this is pathetic! My approach, I mean. I was wallowing, and wallowing is, for lack of a better phrase, not cute. I was going home every night miserable, lonely, and wishing I was somewhere else with someone else doing anything else.  And more than any of the unpleasant factors that might cause unhappiness- my crappy coworkers, my distance from my old friends, my strange living situation- I was the main reason I was unhappy. Buddha said, "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." (told you I like quotes!). I realized that I could change everything I hated about my life and I'd still be miserable. Clearly what I needed was a strong dose of perspective and positive thought. 

So, naturally, I turned to the words of my predecessors. And my love of crafts. 

It's slightly ghetto- I plan on replacing the paperclips holding the papers to the thread with clothespins in the future. But it's been effective. I filled it with thoughts that I found important to remember, feelings that are beautiful, and ideas that are inspiring. This will come with me when I go to my next destination, and I plan to expand it. It's helped me hold on to my perspective when wading through a stream of unpleasantness. Plus it's cute to look at. 

"In the midst of winter I discovered within me an invincible summer."

I just feel that sometimes we need a reminder that it's going to be okay, as long as we choose to allow it to be. 

xoxo

Starting Somewhere

This is post number one in what (I hope) will be a successful adventure in blogging. I've dipped my toes into these waters a few times in the past but never with much success or commitment, but I feel like that my general fascination with various sites like Tastespotting or Pinterest should naturally lead me to this point. I think the internet is a fun, interesting, and refreshing way to communicate- when it's used as such. And I like writing about and sharing fun, interesting things.

So a little about me. I'm Lin.

I'm 22 simultaneously going on 6 and 150. I live in North Carolina but hail from Richmond, Virginia-and come July will be heading to maybe plant a few roots in the great ol'American Midwest. I like laughing, I get flustered, I love baking things, and I love friends but am awful at knowing how to make them. I over analyze every situation I'm in and am never, ever, ever, ever happy or satisfied with myself. I dance (not professionally per say but I try really hard) and perform doing Color Guard through groups affiliated with DCI and WGI. I also teach Color Guard- an experience that is rewarding and scary and enlightening all at once, because I think I've learned more about myself from the high schoolers I work with than anywhere else lately. I have terrible habits- a coffee obsession, nail biting, getting short tempered, being stubborn and so on. I try to break the bigger ones but others I'm just embracing (you couldn't pay me to give up coffee). I love cooking and baking for people, and I also like braiding my hair. And sometimes other people's hair. I am in love with Ira Glass, John Steinbeck, and Listener. I also try to live on the belief that anything you can say, you can do. Which is where this little project begins.

I want to live my life honestly, lovingly, and genuinely. And that's easy to say- but can I do it? Can I really overcome the vapid, petty, and insecure parts of myself to make way for a kinder, more caring and compassionate person? I want to take the selfish, girlish parts of me and mold them into a well rounded lady who can have fun at no ones expense.

I don't really intend for this to be a deep, emotional journey into the search for a better me. What I mean is for this to be a discussion, and a place for all my silliness and thoughtfulness to maybe, finally, have a middle ground. I'm also hoping this will help me, for maybe the first time ever, have some solid belief in my voice. Because it's easy to say what you think when it isn't in writing and viewable by the public. So this blog'll be what I like, what I think, what I do. Whatever. Maybe I'll stop posting in a week! I guess we'll see.

So this is my adventure in being honest. Or just in being myself.

xoxo